Cut in Stone
by RoseWren
Summary: It was probably better that way, she wouldn't have known how to say good bye to him, of all people. When Inu Yasha wasn't there, there was always something left unsaid.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**AN: This is one of my more soulful fics. Be kind.**

Kagome never did know when to leave well enough alone.

They ranged around the campfire, light dancing across the planes of their faces. She watched them, waited, prolonged the inevitable to memorize their expressions, the simple nuances of expression that defined them. How could she ever live without them? She'd given them more then she'd ever asked for; no bitterness, no regrets.

It was almost time. Kagome clenched her hand around the near completed Shikkon no Tama and fisted the other in her shirt's pocket; she couldn't...A pinprick from what she gripped brought her to herself and she drew a hand across her damp eyes. This was no end, she told herself fiercely, it was a beginning. Be glad for your friends, for all the hurts that will be healed... It was a downward pull; she was tired of fighting it.

There was only one chance for goodbyes; she stood up. "Everyone?"

Sango smiled wanly and Miroku, still rubbing his cursed hand, turned to face her with haunted eyes; even after the Final Battle, the kazanna had stayed. Shippo darted forward but Kagome held up a hand and he halted a few feet away from her. InuYasha was out hunting, but it was probably better that way- she wouldn't have known how to say good bye to him, of all people. When Inu Yasha wasn't there, there was always something left unsaid.

"Everyone?" They waited patiently, indulgently; utterly unsuspecting. "I'm...I'm..." She lost her nerve suddenly, all words melting in her mouth, instead holding up the final shard that she'd held separate and snapped it into its place in the pink sphere.

"I wish that all of jewel's influences be removed from this era!" For a second, they balanced on the edge of a knife; she could see their faces frozen with shock and fear.

Then the world exploded in a nova of white power that rippled, pouring down her legs like molten fire--pouring over their marbled faces and up to encompass the entire globe. Kagome could feel her tenacious hold on reality stretch-

-and then pop back into place.

A thousand images came hurtling at her quicker than she could process them and she screamed in broken protest, images then slowing and languid as if they took pity on her mental fraility. They moved with languid solidity through her mind; Onigumo, dead; Shippo with his kitsune parents, with the childhood she'd never been able to give him; Sango with her brother, hunting demons with her family, no crows' feet in the corners of her eyes and more laugh lines along her mouth; Miroku, no kazana, but still flamboyantly lecherous and empathetic; Kikyo just another village priestess, not a protectress- she was calmer, more carefree yet still solemn; finally Inu Yasha was just a half-demon who fell in love with a priestess- not her Inu Yasha! no bitterness and so carefree! no cynicism, just the gentleness he'd shown her but not so deep-not _her_ Inu Yasha for sure! which eased the pain of seeing him so very happy.

It was a slow death that took her, like there had been little chips taken away at the foundation under feet and she just now realized that she was standing on air. The decision on the wish had never been a choice, promise to Inu Yasha or no

promise.

She was almost glad now, that the wait was over-something tingled on the edge of her conscience. Something was fighting back; yelling insistently that what she was doing was wrong. It sounded suspiciously like her friends.

It's too late, she tried to tell them; it's better this way. You'll be happier, I promise! Kagome choked as their protests were wiped out with all their memory of her; it _was_ better this way.

Then why did she still feel like dying? The burning intensified in her hand, but she held on; it was necessary for the completion of the wish and the purification of the jewel; it spread through her veins slowly until she felt it in every fiber, every hair, every singing cell, all resonating.

As a woman, she finally found regret for the fact that she'd given her life away for anything more than a whim.

Kagome came to in seconds, with the wood of the well shooting a dozen splinters into her back with the force that she was set down with.

The completed Shikkon sat in her hand, a perfect orb that glowed, white reflected the scar tissue that formed a perfect moon on her palm. She transferred the jewel and flexed her hand, watching the scar stretch and shiver over her tendons.

She was in the well house, the aged walls more a prison of memory than wood.

"Kagome?" Her mother pulled the door back and Kagome waited for the tears to come, "What are you doing in this death trap?" She grinned and knocked on the slatted boards but before Kagome had a chance to reply, her mother's eyes fastened on her face.

"Kagome?"

She launched herself into her mother's arms, slamming them both into the wall. Dry sobs wracked her body, no tears, and her mother hesitantly put her arms around her. She pulled Kagome down and rocked against the wall. "Shhhh...what's wrong, honey?"

Not a blessed thing, that's what's wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Nothing got any easier as the days wore on. She had a brother she didn't know anymore, with no Inu Yasha to be his role-model, he shied away from everything; she had a relationship with Hojo, with no Inu Yasha to chase off the oblivious boy; and Mother literally had a stranger in her house. This was Kagome's life- as it should have; she had to keep reminding herself of that. As it should have been! Her feudal friends unscathed by the wretchedness that had brought them together, bound them tighter than any they could have forged themselves.

So she did her best to love this second chance, and succeeded with marginal success. She still was a little to withdrawn to fit in completely, still a little too strange, a little too wild, and a little to old to fill in the gap that the Kagome-who-was-not-Kagome had left in her absence.

The jewel hung from a little silken pouch on her neck, a fact not unnoticed by her friends. She took it out when they asked and it made its' rounds through their hands, Kagome reminding herself continually that it had no power any longer so even if they _were_ demons, there was no danger in the little _harmless_ trinket.

Eri swung the pouch around a finger, grinning with the careless desolation of youth, "It's so pretty, Kagome. Where'd you get it?" Moving faster than the eye could see as it flew off her finger, Kagome snatched it out the air. She was breathing heavily as she retreated, clutching the bag to her chest.

"It was a gift," _It was a gift paid in blood._

"Given to me by someone I loved," _The only one I could ever see myself loving._

"I'm so sorry, but..." _I can't let it-**him**- go._

"I understand," said Eri soothingly, though it was obvious she didn't.

_I'm sorry I'm not your Kagome more than I am the Guardian of the Shikkon no Tama, and that you've lost a friend and don't even know it yet._

_

* * *

_

"Two shots, Higuarashi! Very well done!" Her instructor called across the stands, trotting across to yank the arrows from their beds. Kagome'd insisted on the lessons; she wanted to be able to show something for the time in her era if the well opened again.

When, she corrected herself, no questioning or else you'd never come through. Faith was the basis of all; faith in yourself, your strength, judgment, goodness, courage. Faith was the split-second between life and death.

"Now try to hold the bow a little higher, tip up, that's right."

"Kagome? Where are you going?" Her mother called out across the shrine grounds as her daughter trotted towards the well-house.

"Nowhere, Mama, I just need sometime for myself." Mrs. Higuarashi sighed and wondered what on earth possessed her daughter upon occasion. Like she had some bow she'd drudged up from storage and hand-fletched arrows. A hobby, Kagome had assured her, but she didn't like the look that ran across her face as she said it. It was if the world depended upon that little hobby.

* * *

Kagome sighted down the shaft, breathing in and exhaling twice before she allowed herself a shot. The God-Tree loomed up before her, the flickering shadows making it hard to concentrate. It landed a handspun outside the bulls-eye, trailing white vines that writhed in the air like the tail of kite behind it. She shook her head in disgust and lowered her bow to place another arrow on the string.

Again she sighted, breathing and exhaling gently before letting it fly. The streamers tagged along behind, but when the arrow hit the target, the target exploded. _Very funny_, Kagome thought, brushing the splinters off her hair.

"Wicked," Said Sota, coming up and throwing his arms around her, "Totally wicked! How'd you do that?"

He was all but dancing, plucking at her sleeves and grinning delightedly at his sister's new trick. His exuberance made her suddenly very tired, and she sank to the ground before her knees could betray her.

"Sister?" Kagome let her face fall into her hands. "Sister!" The earth felt so good beneath her legs, so cool and moist, roots coming up to envelop her in a gentle release.

She realized with a sharp shock what she was doing. Oh how she must love misery, a voice in her mind said, to do this bitter, gentle parody. Was this how Kikyo felt, to sight down the beautifully dismal but gloriously straight and sure lines of her arrow resting of the calloused curve of her finger? Did see Inu Yasha there as he was? Or did she see the same bone-white bark that Kagome saw now? Did she even remember?

Kagome pushed off the ground, knees betraying her as she fought for balance and giving way. She lay splayed across the ground, springy turf tickling her nose.

"Kagome?" Her brothers hands heaved under her stomach, rolling her over to her side. "You alright? You're white as a- you're _laughing_?" He was quietly incredulous, nothing more than a pretty sasquatch shadow dancing on a shoji screen.

"Lo, Sota, what fools we mortals be, ne?" Hands moving of their own accord cupped his cheeks.

"Kagome?" Sota's voice stumbled, betraying his fear.

"You don't know me do you?"

"You haven't been yourself; of course I don't know you." He bit back and Kagome shook her head.

"I am now more myself than I have ever been. It's you all that aren't as you should."

It all happened in a second, a bright light erupting from the jewel, arcing across the sky till it hit the well-house, illuminating, briefly, as the sky lay down close to the earth. There were clouds scudding across the grass in front of her, the blueness of the heaven's open canvas her world for a single god-touched moment.

She could go back now, she knew, suddenly brilliantly intimate with the knowledge. _She was not as she should be either_.

* * *

Review Corner:

Jolth: Thanks buyo- glad ya think so.

InuYasha Lover 813- Thanks! Weeeell...the next chapter had better be forthcomeing in order to answer that one. It just needs fine tuning so it'll be up quicker than this one.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

_Please R I'd love to know what everyone thought of this chapter._

* * *

It was evening when she arrived, lugging the yellow pack up behind her. Her hair was shorn as a child's, barely brushing the bottom lobe of her ear when she walked. She figured it was more practical. "Inu Yasha?"

He wasn't there.

It was no surprise really, she didn't expect...Or perhaps she did; she had unfinished business with that boy after all.

The route to the village was as familiar to her as her face, every bend and stone as known to her as her own name.

Pity nothing was the same. The grass had a free, unfettered reign over the path, the only way she had of knowing was pure instinct. The trees were smaller and the sunlight was so bright it hurt. Was it just that her memory- her enshrined memory- had failed her? What else had it failed?

Kagome tried to remember his voice and only a thin, reedy echo of "keh" bounced back at her. She was hollow. It was nearly her undoing but no, there was time to make new memories now. She had the second chance to be whole again.

The smoke from the smokestacks appeared on the horizon long before the village actually came into view. Kaede's house was easy to pick out from the aura that permeated it, but the fact was noted with the listlessness she was beginning to associate with this pathetic home-coming.

"Halt! Come no further, woman!" Suddenly they were all around her, the villagers, their strangely unfamiliar faces grim as they faced her- as stranger to her as she was to them; none of them were the villagers she knew. "Our priestess has been summoned- stay here until she can verify-"

"Keh!" The whisper boomed across her mind, alive and vibrant and so real that she didn't turn around, 'lest it was another echo. Oh what a sweet an echo it was- no, she wouldn't turn around. She couldn't do it to herself, "Can't you fools tell a miko when you see one?"

There was a hand of on her shoulder suddenly and she spun away, the heat through her clothes too much. No, she wasn't as ready for this as she'd thought.

"Don't touch me!" She hissed; _don't break me!_

"What the hell is your problem?" He spun her around to face him and squeezed her eyes shut- _her_ Inu Yasha would have understood that she couldn't be touched now.

Her eyes flew open, anger shaking her form as it coursed through- yes! This was the feeling she'd missed, the pulse of her blood through her veins. She cracked an eye open with a hesitant reluctance; nothing happened.

This was so familiar.

"Inu Yasha?" She whispered incredulously; did he remember?

"You know my name, wench?" His ears twitched as she stared up at them, past them. He was curious but there was no recognition in his empty gaze, just an…an innocence. A curious innocence or an innocent curiosity?

_NO!_ It was going to be okay because he was here, whether he remembered her or not. There was no way that it couldn't be okay- not when he was here.

Her agony must have shone on her face because his voice cut through gruffly, "What is it? You look like you've seen a ghost."

She could not bring herself to blame him. It was she who'd made this decision after all, wasn't it?

Kagome wanted him to hug her but then….then all would be lost because Inu Yasha, _her _Inu Yasha, never held anyone. Ever. If he held her now, oh she would fragment in his arms.

"Do you need our resident healer? We have a miko but since you're one already…"

"No," She sighed and drew away, "No I'm not. Please, could you grab my pack?"

He shouldered it without a word, and she wanted to slap him. He should have argued.

_He should have argued, dammit!_ With a feeling of having been obscenely cheated, she snatched her bag and started down the hill. God _dammit.

* * *

_

"Where do you hail from, Kagome-sama?" Asked Kikyo, Inu Yasha in the corner and watching her converse with his…mate… carefully.

_Mate…_

"Nowhere. I wish to stay in this village as I have no where to go. I can help, if that's what you're worried about." Kikyo, shrugged, smiling gently at Kagome.

"I'm not denying that your help would be greatly appriciated, but wouldn't your services see more use somewhere else? We don't have much Kagome-sama, but we do, we are happy to share. And yet…"

The thought, the mere mention of the idea set a shot of jagged pain flashing across her mind. "No," She rasped and both looked at her in concern, "No, I must stay here."

She glared at Kikyo, daring her to contradict this inevitability. Drawing a pale hand across her eyes, Kikyo seemed to consider it for a moment. "Very well; who am I to decline help? No, I am glad you'll stay. We can build you a hut, but for now, you may share my husband's and mine."

"Keh!" Inu Yasha stomped out, and Kagome bowed her head. Kikyo flushed and made excuses for his behavior, quietly excusing herself after settling Kagome into the small room at the back of the home.

It was when she was standing in the middle of Kikyo's kitchen that she wondered at her own masochistic tendencies in accepting the other woman's offer.

"Hello?" There was a small voice by the door and a child sidled into the room, breaking into a cheerful smile as she bowed. "Sister told me to come and say hi. My name's-"

"Kaede?" Kagome guessed wearily, wondering if the smile that was prying her lips apart looked as fake as she knew it was.

"Yes! How did you know? Is it a miko power?" So cheerful, Kagome mused with a distance of fifty years.

"No, not really. You'll be a great miko too, one day, Kaede." Kaede squealed gleefully, grabbing her hand in earnest joy.

"Really, Kagome-sama? Oh, will I?" At her hesitant nod, Kaede danced delightedly about the room then threw herself about Kagome's waist. "Oh, thank you, Miko-sama!"

Kaede ran out the door, still whooping with joy. Sagging down to her knees, Kagome wrapped her arms about her waist and wondered if what she'd done was correct. It had pleased her to see the honest joy, and that even lukewarm pleasure was so alien that she could not help but wish for more. Please, Kagome thought, don't hate me too.


End file.
